Story #1

He felt her weight being lifted from the bedside as she moved to get up and leave, and it was then that his fifth realization hit him. It was time to face the truth. Or at least, now was as good a time as any.

“Don’t you dare take that coffee anywhere,” he growled, reaching for her wrist.

Her head span around and glancing at his hand for a second before looking into his face Nina sat back down again.

“You’re awake,” she stated the obvious. “Faker.”

“Sorry,” he muttered, still holding on to her wrist. She looked exactly like he had imagined a minute ago. Her hair still a bit messy, her eyes sparkling, her face beaming.

“No need to apologize,” she declared, shifting the coffee mug to her other hand to let her fingers intertwine with his. “You slept alright?”

“Like a stone. What time is it?”

“Around noon?” Her smile widened as she looked down on their hands.

“How long have you been up?”

“Couple of hours.”

“And you’re still in your pajamas?” he teased her.

“I’ve been reading, going through the mail,” she explained, her fingers playing with his. “Besides,” she looked up to meet his gaze again, “I didn’t want to wake you by running the shower.”

He grinned, enclosing her hand in his and pulling her towards him. “I see.”

“Hey,” she objected playfully. “You don’t want your coffee?”

“I do. But there’s something else I want first.”

She let him pull her closer, placing the mug on the nightstand, and he quickly maneuvered her back into bed. Lying next to him again, she looked up into his face while he took his turn in stroking one of her dark strands out of her face.

“God, you’re beautiful,” he sighed, causing her to blink in surprise and then frown a little at him. “What?” he asked. “It’s not like you don’t know it.”

She eyed him somewhat skeptically.

“It’s not like I never told you before,” he added, letting his hand run down her cheek.

“No,” she agreed hesitantly, lowering her gaze and reaching for his hand again.

“Then what?” he insisted, withdrawing his hand to regain her full attention.

“I don’t know,” she shrugged, meeting his eyes again.

They examined each other’s expression for a moment.

“Are you okay?” she asked then, still frowning a bit.

“Yes,” he assured with a smile. “Why shouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know. Something seems different,” she shrugged once more. “You seem so…”

She didn’t finish the sentence, but he started to understand where she was getting at. And why she was hesitating to bring it up. It was one of the things they had never talked about, a subject too delicate to touch upon.

“I seem what?” He knew he could make this a lot easier by just telling her that something was indeed different, that something had changed. But he couldn’t bring himself to say it. He didn’t know how.

“Come on, Jack,” she exclaimed, their eyes still locked. “You never seemed that comfortable in the morning.”

It was true. He didn’t. Because he usually woke up realizing that it wasn’t his wife lying next to him. Because he usually woke up to the feeling of guilt. And knowing that Nina could sense what was going on, he usually felt even more guilt, although she had made it clear from the beginning that he shouldn’t.

“I know,” he sighed, avoiding her gaze for a moment and backing off a little, struggling to find the right words. But Nina obviously misread his body language.

“Look, I’m not complaining,” she remarked, and when he looked up again she wasn’t meeting his eyes anymore either. “I’m just…” She shook her head. “I shouldn’t have brought it up,” she said, attempting to move away from him. “Let’s just forget about it.”

“No,” he objected, reaching for her shoulder to stop her. “No, let’s not forget about it.”

She stared at him, confusion written all over her face.

“You’re right,” he mumbled, wondering why this was so hard. “I’ve never been that comfortable in the morning and we both know why. And I’m sorry, I really am.”

She opened her mouth to say something but he signaled her to let him finish.

“Not for the way I felt because…there’s nothing I could have done to change that. But I’m sorry that I let you feel it.” It hadn’t been fair to her. “However, as you pointed out, something’s different.” He took a deep breath. He’d only done this once before, and it was such a long time ago. I guess not everything gets easier with age, he thought to himself. “I don’t know why it hit me today of all days…but I love you.”

She still just stared at him, her face not giving away yet how she felt at his sudden confession.

“Maybe I wasn’t ready for it sooner,” he continued, once again fumbling for her hand. “But I am now.”

A few seconds passed before she found her speech back.

“What about Teri?” she asked in a whisper. “What about your family?”

He sighed. “I love them too.” He did. Just… It didn’t seem enough anymore. “It’s why I can’t pretend that it will work out.”

He noticed that the frown was gone from her face but she still eyed him with such seriousness. As if he wasn’t aware enough of the magnitude of the moment…

“I’ve known Teri all my life. Or at least it feels that way. She’s my wife, she’s been with me all these years, and she’ll always be the mother of our daughter. But…our marriage…it’s not working anymore. I can’t make it work. I can’t give her what she needs.”

He sighed again when Nina cast her eyes down. He knew it wasn’t the smartest move to keep talking about his feelings for Teri when all he wanted was to tell Nina that he wanted to be with her, but he needed her to understand. After all, she was the only one who did. She understood him. She knew him. He had always thought Teri was the one to know him better than he knew himself. But he had been wrong. There was so much Teri didn’t understand, couldn’t really, it wasn’t her fault in any way. But Nina could. Did. It was why he needed her, why he loved her.

“Look, what I’m trying to say is – a part of me will always love her. I know I probably shouldn’t tell you this but it’s not like I can hide anything from you, can I?”

She just made a helpless gesture, signaling she didn’t know what to say or think of all this. He shook his head. He was horrible at this.

“I love you, Nina. That’s what I’m trying to say, actually. I love you and I want to be with you. And it won’t do anyone any good if I keep ignoring that fact. It won’t help Teri or Kim if I pretend that I could fix my marriage. And it certainly won’t help us if I pretend that this is not what I really want.”

“Us?” she asked hoarsely.

He stared into the green of her eyes, suddenly panicking that this might not be enough either. What if it wasn’t enough that he needed her? She certainly didn’t need him. What for? And did she love him? He thought so but…why wasn’t she happier then? Why did she look so serious?

Because you just gave her a long speech about how you still love your wife. No wonder she wasn’t thrilled. She had to feel like his second choice. Like the next best thing.

Alright, he ordered himself, let’s get this out right this time.

“I need you, Nina. I thought I needed my family, I thought I couldn’t be without them, but…it’s not true. I need you.” He shrugged. “That’s all. I need just you.”

She sighed heavily, and finally there were some emotions visible in her face.

“Are you sure?” she whispered, so quietly it could barely be heard, seeming so vulnerable all of a sudden it threatened to tear him apart.

“Yes,” he whispered his reply, pulling her closer to him, and when he felt the slight tremor of relief running through her body he knew it all the more. “Yes, I’m sure.”